it’s amazing how fast my mood changes. the second i’m alone it’s like all walls come tumbling down and i’m left here to fend for myself. everything seems so impossible when i’m by myself, here, with my thoughts. frustration. self hate. unhealthy thoughts. urges.

I

AM

SO

FAT

"They say suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Well, the problem of being human isn’t really so temporary and sometimes a permanent solution seems like the best possible way out"

Whenever I think about how much I love my boyfriend I get all teary eyed and my tummy gets filled with butterflies and I just smile.
I really, really, really love my boyfriend.

When someone commits suicide due to bullying people always seem to blame them for getting bullied in the first place. In the Amanda Todd case, people were saying it was her fault she was bullied because she sent photos to someone. She sent it to that one person, and that person sent it to more people. It’s that persons fault that she was bullied. It’s that persons fault that she took her own life.
In the Rehtaeh Parsons case, she was bullied because she was gang raped. How is that her fault? How does that make sense?! The four boys that gang raped her are at fault. Her “friends” and other people in the community are at fault.
It’s fucking ridiculous how people blame the person who committed suicide when clearly other people are pushing them towards the edge. I hate this world so much.

I’m a piece of shit and I deserve all of the bullshit that comes with life.
I hate myself.

i have my appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. im nervous.

what kinds of things to psychiatrists ask? I’d love to know what to expect so i don’t get myself all worked up.

All week I’ve been having troubles staying awake. I would wake up in the morning, go to school and fall asleep. I’d come home from school and fall asleep for hours, then go to bed at 10. Repeat.
Today, I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so exhausted. Mom tried waking me up four times but had no luck. I couldn’t do it. She called the doctor’s because she was worried that there’s something wrong with me. I went to the doctor’s and almost fell asleep in the waiting room, and in the room where my doctor was talking to me. She put me on yet another pill. Wellbutrin XL. I am now taking 8 pills daily. Ridiculous.

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you.

People need to realize that you’re allowed to have your own opinion. Stop getting your panties in a twist because someone said something that you don’t agree with.

Today while at work I was helping an older Irish man who was in his mid-seventies or so, and he looks at the “I love you” tattoos on my arms and he said “Are those real tattoos or just transfers?” I told him they were real, to which he said “Your parents don’t make a fuss about you getting tattoos?” I said “No, sir. They actually paid for my first tattoo when I was 16. They have tattoos as well and they love them.” He then began telling me about how when he was about 16 or 17 he went out and got a tattoo without his parents knowing, and when he got home and showed them, they were not happy. He said he thought it was hilarious. We stood and talked about tattoos for a good ten minutes. He definitely helped to improve my mood.

People always reblog photos saying “I wish I had that thigh gap.” Well, a good portion of the time not even the people in the photos have the thigh gap that you’re seeing. If you stand with your legs apart and/or legs bowed, you may accomplish that because that’s what a ton of these people do in their photos.
I know it’s hypocritical of me to say this, but please just be happy with your bodies. You don’t need a thigh gap to be “beautiful.” You’re beautiful the way you are.

the only reason i don’t cut anymore is because i don’t want the two people i love most to give up on me.